i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Why did my mother make you get naked?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
