1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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