i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Congratulations! We have a period
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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