i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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