I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
