You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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