I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
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