I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
