is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
This toilet bowl is my home.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
