are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
