He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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