Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
