i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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