there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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