chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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