just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
