Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
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