About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
