Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
