If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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