toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I want to walk on stilts...naked
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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