omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
