"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
