anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
