I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
