the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
