i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Randomize
