hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
