Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Randomize
