TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize
