A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
We have started to decorate penises.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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