and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
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