doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
