I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
