I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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