she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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