I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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