I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
