Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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