you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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