I didn't shave. On purpose
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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