Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
