If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
