I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
