Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Randomize
