sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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