He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
