She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
