i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
