its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
