Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
being pregnant is like rehab
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
