things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I want her autograph on my taint
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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